STEEL PANTHER

Trying to get Steel Panther to answer any question seriously is like trying to fuck Paris Hilton without wondering what parasitic infection was burrowing into your cock.

Disorder didn’t escape unscathed. In fact, we are trying to get this interview up as a recording but sadly the adapter cord has decided to go to Antigua. Or somewhere like that. So you will have to make do with the transcript. And will do our best to get this damn thing working.

How you guys going?

Stix: Some moms would help

Anyway, I went to see your set, it was so packed! I covered myself in baby oil and tried to slither through. I’m still sticky you know.
Satchel: That’s cool.

Stix: Usually the girls end up sticky after the shows.

You must have great aim.

Stix: Oh we do!

Satchel: Actually, when you get to our age it does really shoot out, it just kinda dribbles.

Stix: if you squeeze the tip, a little bit more will come out

Should try eating more eggs. Protein is good for coming, I heard. Or you could make an omelette.

Satchel: You know what, if it’s dark enough in the room, you just crack the egg and throw that on her face and she thinks that’s the same thing.

No more cum talk!!!

Stix: Are we throwing you off your game?

Yeah, you are! Shall we just talk about dicks for a while? Now, eventually what I could see was a blow up doll. And your outfit, Satchel, and may I say you look hot.

Satchel: Thank you.

Stix: Our fans…

Oh, and you look hot as well, Stix…

Stix: Oh, well thank you for the consolation prize. Our fans are really fucking creative. I saw the blow up doll, I saw some Asian hats, which were fucking amazing, then I saw some signs that were like, Hey Lexxi, I wanna suck your balls, or, Satchel, your cock is hot.

Satchel: Really?

Stix: Nah, I made it.

And paid someone to hold it up?

Stix: I think our fans are the best fans in the fucking world.

You should have been on the Main Stage at Download.

Satchel: I think we made Whitesnake a little nervous to be honest with you.

Stix: Well, this was our first trip to the UK, our first show in the UK and we buried that shit, like a treasure. This trip is a lot of firsts for us, like this is our first interview with a really hot chick with a tape recorder.

You liar. And it’s a digital dictaphone, thank you so much.

Satchel: Oh, it’s a dictaphone…

Stix: Oh I bet it is, it’s a DICK-taphone.

I could shove it up your ass.

Satchel: Oh Jesus Christ!

Stix: That sounds like a party.

Satchel: Then it’ll be a dictadildo.

I can record what the inside of your butt sounds like.

Satchel: Oh, high five.

Stix: I can already tell you what mine sounds like.

(all goes quiet)

Stix: Just like that.

Satchel: It’s pretty quiet in there.

Silent but deadly?

Stix: I eat a lot of fibre.

Have you ever tried a flying fuck?

Stix: What’s that?

You just leap on them and hope it goes in the right hole.

Stix: Woooah, if you missed that would hurt so much!

Satchel: I did that! I sprained my penis doing that.

Stix: Is that why it’s bent?

Satchel: It was bent to begin with but that didn’t help it.

Stix: It’s almost like a right angle.

It must be great at the urinals that, being the guy next to you…

Stix: He has to face the guy!

Satchel: Well when your penis is a little bit bent, it actually helps you get up into that G-spot position. You can’t really make a girl come unless you can get up there.

Stix: I’ve seen him do it!

One last question, what do you wear at home?

Stix: I have spandex that I have cut into shorts. Or just a banana hammock.

Jesus, that’s a visual. No Hugh Hefner smoking jacket?

Stix:I don’t have time to put that on.

Really? Is it 24/7?

Stix: We’re living it, loving it and we’re rockin.