The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

Director: John Turteltaub
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Alfred Molina, Jay Baruchel

Take one rickety, dated log flume ride at a theme park, bring in a heavyweight producer with a track record of lightweight storytelling, make into a film that no one thought would succeed and watch it turn into a billion dollar franchise.

When it came time to pillage the back catalogue for a new film, Disney execs didn’t stray too far from the tried and tested Caribbean formula. Choosing a classic 15 minute snippet of animation (Mickey Mouse as The Sorcerer’s Apprentice) and its source (a poem of the same name by Goethe), they’ve brought back the team behind National Treasure (Jerry Bruckheimer, Nic Cage, John Turteltaub) to create a summer blockbuster.

What they’ve created is mere dross, with the screenwriting team of Mark Rosenthal and Lawrence Konner (and Matt Lopez) nicking Arthurian legend to bend about to give the story some, albeit wobbly, reason for existing. We see Merlin killed by evil sorceress Morgana, who’s soul-sucked into the good Veronica who is imprisoned in the Grimhold along with another bad guy Maxim Horvath (Molina). To release Veronica and kill Morgana, Balthazar Blake (Cage) must find the ‘Prime Merlinean’ (oh yes, you heard right).

Bring us to the modern day 10 years ago and the young Dave Stutler finds Blake’s magic shop, tries on the dragon ring (which awakens when it discovers the Merlinean), accidentally brings Horvath out of the Grimhold, then legs it. Present day and 20 year old Stutler (Baruchel) is a physics major and put magic in his past, but Blake and Horvath catch up with him and he must save the world. And win the heart of the lovely Becky whom he has crushed on since year five. The end.

Do you know why I’ve written the plot, flimsy as it is? It’s because there’s little else to write about. The dialogue is jerky and painfully unfunny, throwing ‘hip’ one-liners in amongst archaic sorcerer jargon, the SFX are muted and ill-thought out, Cage is lacklustre as a mentor and a magician while, as his protege, Baruchel wanders aimlessly through a myriad of geek stereotypes and wide-eyed boy-into-man cliches. Alfred Molina, paying his bills playing Hollywood villains these days, is the kind of mustache-twirling bad guy, more Dastardly from The Wacky Races than desperate henchman/lover scorned.

At 111 minutes, it’s short by blockbuster standards and clearly unable to sustain itself, even understanding what it really is as a film is beyond its reach. It’s kiddie-friendly (no blood, no real violence) but lacks the eye popping magical detail of Harry Potter that keeps audiences entranced. It also trips over its own feet trying to back away from the themes it briefly presents (good vs evil, power vs responsibility, love vs career) in an attempt at the dramatic.

On paper there is scope for characters to really flourish, even the bit players like love interests Veronica (Monica Belluci) and Becky Barnes (Teresa Palmer), or the heavily underused Morgana (Alice Krige), so it’s surprising that director Turteltaub reduces his entire cast to weak pastiches that are impossible to care about. The same can be said for the script, which limps to a tepid, predictable climax, without ever having challenged or even engaged us. It’s doubtful that anyone into magic, sci-fi or fantasy will applaud this effort, only the youngest of audiences and the most slack-jawed of adults will come away with anything remotely close to enjoyment.

1/5

TG.